Has Anyone Seen My Timeline?

It’s no secret that going through a divorce screws up any preplanned timeline you may have had for yourself.  If you are a list person, much like I am, then you know what I’m talking about.  My list might be digital now but it’s still a list nonetheless.  It’s got the usual yearly goals one might hope to attain: get a raise, go on a vacation, save “X” amount of money for savings, etc.

Now most of those things are still doable even despite a divorce.  Well, except for maybe the one about saving spare cash if you are the one paying for the divorce as there might not be anything to spare until everything is said and done.  If you’re a gal there is a good chance that you have a dream age you hope to get married by, buy your first home by, and possibly even have children by.  I was never the type who dreamt about her wedding from a young age and knew exactly what she wanted, but with my last birthday of my 20s quickly approaching (as my lovely boyfriend pointed out over the weekend) I’ve become a little nuts about my timeline being a hot mess.

By no means do I want to rush into anything just for the sake of staying on some silly timeline I made for myself.  I am at least rational enough to know that isn’t the way to go about things.  However, I am still a gal and we all know that moments of weakness do on occasion compel us to be slightly irrational.  Last week I threatened to cancel my social networking account after yet another friend from high school announced her upcoming bundle of joy.  I am very happy for her and her husband…really!  I think they both will be fabulous parents and that is going to be one lucky baby.

Then this week yet another friend announced his proposal to his longtime girlfriend.  Another friend to be happy for…of course!  Under the post about his engagement was page after page of status updates from my younger friends about their upcoming wedding or something adorable their little angel just did.  Although the sane side of me is very happy that all of my friends seem to be in such a wonderful place in their lives, the less rational side of me slightly feels like I failed myself by not making the right decision the first time around.

Had I listened to my mother (I know she is saying “I told you so” while reading this), had I even listened to my current boyfriend as he told me he knew I was making the wrong choice, or had I let myself acknowledge any of the 5 million other red flags then maybe I wouldn’t have failed my own mental timeline.  I know to some of you out there this seems nuts, but there are others out there who know just what I am talking about.  I am lucky to be in a much better place now, with a man who I love and who treats me like gold.  I have my friends back, the support to pursue my dreams and it seems like most things are just falling into place.  Maybe it’s time to find out how to switch off that judgmental voice in my head so I can just enjoy where I am now.

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4 Comments

Filed under Culture

4 responses to “Has Anyone Seen My Timeline?

  1. They say you must go thru hell to het to heaven …

  2. Boy oh boy, I feel like this post could have been pulled out of my own head. I have never been divorced, but due to a sudden chronic illness my To Do list/plan book slowly has been shredded and thrown out the window. There are so many good things about that though, darling. Through the pain will slowly spring love, peace, sensitivity and joys that you would never had found if your life had stayed “on track.”

    Happy Holidays, sweetie. Stop fighting yourself and let go!

    • Thank you for the feedback Darcy. I will say I just recently wrote about my blessings in disguise that came out of my Fibromyalgia diagnosis and you are very right in your statements. Thanks for taking the time to stop by and read my blog. Happy holidays!

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